almostcrazy

I have decided to use this journal as a general thing.  Just say what I am really thinking in it and also keep track of my goals. If you enjoy the content, that will be a bonus, but it is really just a way I am trying to relieve some of my stress.

Several things have been going on with me lately.   I am not really sure why but I have lost all interest in dating anyone or even going out for fun, I started Weight Watchers yesterday and I am having tremendous difficulty with my son.  I picked him up from the YMCA (where I just placed him hoping it would help) and the lady asked me if I had meant to put N/A on the special needs portion for him.  I told her that I know he has some type of emotional problem but he has not been diagnosed with anything.  I can’t lie, I know there is probably something wrong with my son.  I feel bad and guilty sometimes because the traits he has are traits that both me and his father have.  I feel like we did this to him or made him this way.  I also worry about how he is going to make it in life and pray that he isn’t his dad.  His dad recently got diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.  He has always been paranoid but a while back he also became suicidal. He tried to kill himself but someone found him.  Talking to his dad now is almost depressing because I know Kamrin is paranoid now for his age and wonder if this will be what Kamrin is like at 34.

I am wanting to stick with this diet not only so that I can lose weight and look better, but also so that I can feel better.  My problems with my children are only exaggerated by the fact that I am overweight and feel tired all the time.  If I can fix the only part that I can really control, I think I will be able to deal with my kids in a better way.  Hopefully, the changes I have made for my son will help him learn to adjust and help him see that his life could be much easier if he would cooperate with the teachers and just relax and have fun.

I am having a friend of mine move down here to be roommates.  He is a good guy and hopefully having a man in the house that is a decent roll model will also improve my son’s situation.  Not to mention the stress relief of having someone to split the bills with making me feel better…lol. Well, hopefully this journal will be a written record of how making small and big changes improved my life and helped my children.  I am truly hoping this is the bottom and I can only go up from here.

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